Stay woke, governments lie

Illustration by Sam Reeves

One thing humans do constantly is question the world around us. One thing we have been questioning is the shape of our planet.

While you will mostly hear about the Earth being an oblate sphere, a lot of people believe this is false and that the Earth is actually flat. These people who believe in this conspiracy are known as “flat earthers.” While many people believe flat earthers are just crazy, they are not and are very much correct. The Earth is truly flat.

Now I know what you’re thinking. “The Earth isn’t flat. We have photographic evidence of the Earth being round.” Those, my friend, are photoshopped. The governments of the world took these photos of our planets and altered them to make the planet appear to be round.

You may now be thinking “Well, what about people like Robin Lee Graham and Francis Joyon who have circumnavigated the entire planet?” First of all, how’d you know about them? Second, they did not travel around the entire planet. They merely made a mistake when planning their course and went in a circle.

Well, what about the fact that we can’t see the whole planet because of the curvature of the Earth? Well, it’s not because of any curvature. Our eyes are not built to see that far. It’s like how in the game Minecraft where the player has what’s called “render distance” which determines how far you can see in the game. Well, like in Minecraft, we have a render distance and that limits us to seeing up to 30 miles away.

Further evidence lies in Youtuber Logan Paul’s video titled “FLAT EARTH: To The Edge And Back (Official Movie)” when Paul’s friend Mike Majlak uses a beach ball and a toy car to demonstrate that if the Earth was round, we would fall right off when reaching the curve. Majlak then proceeds to flatten the ball and show that because there is no curve, we would not fall off.

I’ve heard people ask the question “Why would the government lie to us about the shape of our planet?” Well, that’s where it gets real mysterious. First off, know this. The things you have been told about space, some of them are lies. The rest of the planets and the moons in the solar system are also flat, no men landed on the moon, the milky way is made of milk, and, as proved in the Cartoon Network cheese alien themed specials, the moon is made of cheese. It was all fake. Governments have been lying to us. To figure out why they have been lying to us, let’s travel back to 1969.

1969 was the year that a big leap was, supposedly, taken. NASA sent two men up to the moon, Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. But this wasn’t actually what happened. Instead of actually going to the moon, Armstrong and Aldrin were brought into a studio and recorded the first lunar landing.The government paid them large amounts of money to keep quiet and they went on with their lives.

But the question still stands, why would the world governments try to cover up the truth about our planet? Well, the answer partially lies in the name of a man we mentioned before, Neil Armstrong. If you take his first name and put it with the first letter of his last name, Armstrong’s name becomes Neila. What is Neila spelled backwards? Alien. Aliens are the reason we do not all know the truth about our planet. I know it sounds ridiculous but hear me out. For thousands of years, we have questioned the existence of aliens. It turns out they have been here the whole time. Living among us. Taking control of our countries and leading us without our knowledge. As aliens with spacecrafts, they have a way to get into space to see everything for themselves. What they saw in space was the rest of the planet. The other side. What’s on this other side that they don’t want us to know about? Why the rest of the human race of course. Aliens are hiding the truth from us because if we were to meet the rest of our planet, we would be a threat as we would be able to further our advances in technology and discover them. So, the way they see it, they have to keep this big truth hidden from us so they may stay hidden among us.

So in conclusion, flat earthers we’re right and our planet is flat. The governments of the world are run by aliens and to keep us from discovering the rest of our species and them, they hid the truth from us.


Written by Darrel Washington, Staff Writer