By Sydney Cochran | Staff Writer
She was attracted to his smile and his personality, but what seemed like a happy relationship quickly escalated into an abusive situation. Anna, whose name is being changed by The Pulse to protect her privacy, said that about two months in to the relationship at the young age of 13, she started noticing problems.
“He would take out his aggression on me in the forms of mental, sexual and physical abuse,” Anna said.
Dating violence has become an all too common occurrence among teens and young adults. Nearly 1.5 million high school students a year experience some form of physical abuse from a dating partner, according to loveisrespect.org, a website based on raising awareness of dating violence and abuse.
Anna, now 20 and an Indian Trail Academy graduate, was in the relationship for two years and had a difficult time breaking it off.
“Every time we would break up, he would come back and feed me a bunch of lies about his feelings towards me. If I didn’t take him back he would physically abuse me,” she said.
“I was finally able to end the relationship by changing my phone numbers and not letting him know where I was staying.”
Abusive relationships have become more frequent, with women being the most common victim. One in five women who have experienced abuse say that the first time they experienced the violence was between the ages of 11 and 17, according to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control.
“Unfortunately, most of my friends and family stopped speaking with me. My friends did so because of his influence on them. My family didn’t like him either, so they stopped contact with me,” Anna said.
Typically the abuser in a relationship will try to isolate their victim from their family and friends in order to gain more control. Self-esteem plays a big role in abusive relationships, for both the abuser and their victim.
“Victims who have experienced abuse in their relationships often stop taking proper care of themselves,” said Nancy Hofstetter, the domestic violence program coordinator at the Kenosha-based Women and Children’s Horizons, a non-profit organization that provides support, education, healing, and training to victims of sexual and domestic violence/abuse.
“Likewise, abusers also suffer from self-esteem issues. They are often controlling for the very reason that they don’t feel good about themselves,” Hofstet- ter said.
Young adults are the most common victims of dating violence. Rachel, whose name has also been changed, is another Indian Trail teen who experi- enced similar violence in her relationship. She was 14, he was 15, when the abuse started.
“He made all of these restrictions on me. I couldn’t talk to certain people, text them or even be around them. If I didn’t listen, he would lose it. He made me lose a lot of my friends because of it,” Rachel said.
“It was choosing between my friends and him, and no matter how much I wanted to choose them, I really didn’t have a choice but to choose him.”
Although most relationships start out without any problems, there are many warning signs that may appear early on. Behaviors such as cheating, isolating the victim from their loved ones, and trying to gain control of all aspects of their lives are a few ways that abusers assert authority over their partners.
“Isolating victims from family, friends, jobs and community resources are big ways that abusers tend to try to gain power and control over a person,” Hofstetter said.
The first step in breaking off an abusive relation- ship is to understand what is happening.
“If you are feeling abused, break contact with the abuser. Do not stay with them because you “love” them,” Anna said. “It is not love, it is fear of what they will do to you or say to you.”
“When it comes your time, you will know the difference between love and fear,” Anna said. “Eventually the right person will come along and make you happy. You will find true love.”
Women and Children’s Horizon’s, Inc. is available to help victims of domestic and sexual violence. Call the 24-hour crisis hotline at 262-652-9900 for more information.
Other possible links for assistance include
or
http://www.recovery.org/topics/addiction-and-domestic-violence-or-sexual-abuse/