Recognize signs of toxic behavior in teen relationships

Infographic by Sam Reeves

By Sam Reeves, Webmaster/Social Media Director

Let’s face the facts, it is very rare that a high school ‘love’ is healthy or lasts long.

Teen relationships tend to include a lot of toxic and endangering behaviors that often go unnoticed or are ignored by those in the relationship, and those close to them.

Whether you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, or if you are questioning whether or not your relationship is healthy, we must educate ourselves on how to determine if our relationship is toxic or not and be able to recognize behaviors that are not healthy.

Both sexes are capable of wrongdoing and it is up to us to educate ourselves and others on this topic.

If you are upset by any of these subjects, there will be a list of helpful resources and hotline numbers listed at the end of this story that you can contact in order to get help. Be safe, and read with caution.

The behaviors to consider are as follows: Jealousy, controlling behaviors, guilt tripping, going through your belongings, searching through your phone, following or stalking, verbal abuse/mental abuse, physical abuse, and sexual assault/rape.

The first warning sign is jealousy. This behavior is often excused as a normal and totally fine attitude, or even as a cute act. However, that is far from the truth. A jealous partner is not a cute one, and is definitely not okay. Unchecked jealousy often leads to further toxic behaviors and actions. If your partner is showing extreme jealousy, it is important to try and speak with them on why they feel this way and how you can fairly resolve the issue.

Jealousy is the gateway behavior, as it often leads to the other actions mentioned in our list above. Let it fester and it only shows the inner ugliness of a person. It commonly leads to partners beginning to have controlling behaviors which leads them to placing rules and restrictions on their partners.

Controlling behaviors cover a wide range of actions: Limiting who you see, limiting who you can be friends with, making you shut out others, telling you what to wear, or restricting how you can act. Often when someone questions a controlling behavior, people will pass it off as the abuser just being ‘protective.’ Despite the situation seeming that way, over-controlling behaviors are not okay, and should be seen as a red flag rather than as a sign of ‘protectiveness.’

To keep control over the relationship, an abuser has to find ways to make their victim lower themselves and their standards so they don’t question the abuser’s actions. This is done through guilt tripping; a key tool in making one listen to others. When guilt tripping someone, it is easy to make them feel bad about themselves and their actions, which further allows an abuser to hold power over them.

A huge red flag in relationships is when your significant other starts to search your belongings and your electronic devices. Despite being your loved one, they still do not hold ownership over your belongings and therefore have no right to search through them. It is a sign of mistrust, and it takes away the victim’s sense of privacy and self-security.

Following you around is another behavior that is scary. It is not normal to have a significant other follow you around at all. Stalking someone is an inappropriate behavior that takes away the feeling of safety for the victim. If they believe they are being followed all the time, it creates anxiety and paranoia, which can contribute to poor mental health.

Although all of these behaviors are toxic, the last three to consider are extremely dangerous to be experiencing. If you or somebody you know is experiencing these, attempt to seek out help quickly.

Verbal and mental abuse can be grouped into one category together because they often go hand in hand. If your significant other is calling you names, threatening you, or saying vile things about you, this is verbal abuse. Not only is this sort of behavior disgusting, but it creates further problems by messing with one’s mental health.

Verbal abuse often can lead to physical abuse. It is NEVER okay to lay your hands on your partner in a threatening or violent way. No matter how upset you are, no matter how ridiculous an argument can get, NEVER hit or injure your partner.

Lastly, there is sexual assault and rape. There are several ways assault can happen in a relationship. Sexual acts should only take place as long as both parties have given 100% consent; keep in mind that guilting someone into consent does not count as true consent. If your partner is attempting an act that makes you uncomfortable, it is okay to let them know you are not willing to participate in the act. If they persist, seek help and/or medical attention as soon as possible to receive help and medical attention if needed.

There are several ways to break out of an abusive relationship, but it is no easy task. Many people are frightened of their abusers or are fearful of what could happen after they break things off. Victims are often further persecuted after revealing the abuse they have dealt with, dealing with public backlash and victim blaming.

First off, if you are a victim of an abusive relationship, know you are not alone and that it IS possible to make it out of that situation. If you are an abuser and you have noticed these behaviors in yourself, there is hope for you as well. There are people you can reach out to to help you correct these behaviors.

Provided below is a list of hotlines and other resources that are willing to help you or your partner:

National Domestic Abuse Hotline: Provides help and advice for both victims and abusers.

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Kenosha Crisis Hotline Number: Local crisis center that provides help and information-

262-657-7188

Wisconsin Coalition Against Domestic Violence: Provides help and useful information

(608) 255-0539

LoveIsRespect: Education on healthy relationships for teens- 1-866-331-9474

The Trevor Project: Help for specifically LGBTQ teens-  1-866-488-7386

Scarlet Teen: Sex/Consent education for teens- (Text only):  (206) 866-2279

 

Infographic by Sam Reeves