Illustration by Samantha Mandujano, Chief Illustrator
Article by Sal Montemurro, Webmaster & Staff Writer
The start of that magical time is upon us. It’s the time of year to be wrapped up in love and celebration and the expectation of family togetherness. To be able to de-stress and go home for the holidays.
Whether it’s Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, or something else, most people look forward to spending this time with their families, as well as enjoying the breaks off from school and work.
But this isn’t always the case, the assumption of this is often overlooked and overwhelming for those with remote or isolated family relationships—specially for members in the LGBTQ+ community.
Certainly this isn’t always the case in the community; some are lucky to have families that unconditionally love and accept them. However, for those who don’t, we’re pressed with the societal pressure to visit family, but change ourselves, stay closeted, pretend to be something we’re not. Or we’re left with the harsh decision to cut ties with the people we’d call our families.
Unfortunately, it’s not simple. For most it can cause an extreme fear and overwhelming amount of anxiety, and is overall unsafe. For some, it’s the fear of judgement or rejection, leading to the contemplation of the worst possible outcome.
Most already know the answer as to how their family will react to them, but more often than not a good portion of LGBTQ+ individuals are left divided on whether or not it’s worth going home at all or if it’s better to just spend the holidays alone. According to a Trevor Project survey in 2019, over 39% percent of LGBTQ+ youth in the United States contemplate or consider suicide. This risk is elevated among gender-nonconforming and transgender youth, as well as LGBTQ+ youth of color. This repeated fear of rejection also results in a higher risk of unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance abuse and an increased rate of homelessness.
As a result, there consistently seems to be LGBTQ+ left without the luxury of having an accepting family to return to. Now, I know what you’re probably thinking, what’s so bad about going home. Well, for many, their families continue to believe that their LGBTQ+ relatives will try changing what inherently cannot be changed.
The worst form of this denial is definitely family members who suggest “conversion therapy”, a pseudoscientific therapy that purposefully tries to “fix” or characterize LGBTQ+ people as having a mental disorder that is causing their “unfortunate” sexual orientation or gender identity. Though deemed as scientifically wrong and incredibly dangerous, this practice is currently still legal in about half of the states in the U.S. Additional research done in recent years by the Trevor Project showed an increased amount of suicide attempts and suicidal thoughts in over half of the transgender and gender-noncon-forming youth subjected to this form of therapy.
The holidays can be difficult for everyone, not just LGBTQ+ individuals. However, it’s clear as day that the inequalities faced in this community can lead to devastating outcomes. Fortunately, the LGBTQ+ community has a strong history of strength and perseverance.
So for those faced with the seemingly impossible task of going home for the holidays or for those who may be preparing to see a judgmental family member, just know that you are never alone. And though acceptance may not come immediately, or ever, we are left with our adaptability to provide and surround ourselves not with our given or expected families during the holidays, but with our chosen families who lift us up and support our true identities. And most importantly, embrace self love and respect.